Kids Must Learn to Work Hard

Dr. Scott Turansky

Most children believe that their job description in life is to have fun. Parental instructions are an interruption to their lives, chores are an inconvenience, and work is to be avoided as much as possible.

Parents often contribute to this thinking error by requiring little of their kids and encouraging them to play and have fun. In fact, have you ever noticed that some parents say to their kids as they go out the door, “Have fun.” Why do they say that? Is having fun the goal of childhood? Furthermore, many of those same parents evaluate a child’s day by asking, “Did you have fun?” It’s no wonder kids believe that’s their mission in life.

Questioning the ‘Have Fun” Mentality

The idea that childhood should be fun in order for kids to grow up well adjusted is a myth, and a dangerous one. When life is all about fun then kids begin to resist anything that looks likes work. Having fun is certainly a benefit children and adults both enjoy. We want our kids to be happy and enjoy life. But kids also need to learn to work hard. Some parents hesitate to impose work on their children lest they rob them of their childhood or hinder their emotional growth by making them unhappy.   But more likely not teaching kids to work hard robs them of character development and inner strength.

Work has many benefits. Kids should learn how to balance work and play at a young age. Work teaches children skills, provides them with a sense of accomplishment, and encourages character qualities like initiative, perseverance, and responsiveness to authority.

Children who don’t know how to work hard develop a number of different character weaknesses. Danny, age eleven, is demanding, always expecting his mother to serve him. Marissa, age six, is lazy and tries to get out of the simplest tasks in life. In fact her dad says that she spends more energy thinking about how to get out of work than it would require to do the job in the first place.

Working Hard Builds Internal Strength

Connie is sixteen years old and has a problem with lying. Dad and Mom had tried many things to help their daughter develop honesty. After coming to one of our seminars they realized that one of Connie’s problems was that she didn’t know how to work hard.

Lying is a shortcut. It’s a fast way to avoid punishment, an easy way to look good, or a quick way to excuse a job done part way. Children who have a problem with lying need a multi-faceted approach for developing honesty and integrity, and one of the components is learning to work hard.

When people ignore the “Keep off the Grass” sign and cut across the lawn, then they give up their integrity in order to get to their destination more quickly. Instead of taking the longer way across the sidewalk, then the person values their agenda more than the trampling of the grass. The same thing is true with lying. The child who lies values her own desires so much that she tramples on her own conscience. See Lying and the Conscience Development

The Benefits of Learning to Work Hard

The book of Proverbs talks about the value of hard work. Proverbs 14:23 says, “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” Proverbs 6:6 says, “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!”

Hard work builds character. Although it may be easier for you to do the work around the house, it’s good training for children to take part in chores. This often requires the extra parental energy of assigning, managing, and checking up on kids, but that effort you put in as a parent can translate into small bits of growing character in a child.

Young children can help empty the dishwasher, pick up around the house, vacuum, and help fold clothes. Elementary age children can help set the table, wash dishes, clean bathrooms, and wash floors. Older children can handle more responsibility like mowing the grass, making a meal, or caring for a younger child.

Here’s an Encouraging Story

One dad told the story of wanting his thirteen-year-old daughter to learn how to work hard. When she asked for horseback riding lessons, he said, “I’m sorry. We can’t afford horseback riding lessons but I could do an exchange with you if you’d like. I want to rebuild our sidewalk around the house and I need the concrete broken up with a sledgehammer and hauled into a pile, the dirt dug out, and forms built. If you’re willing to do that I’ll pay for horseback riding lessons this summer.”

That was quite a bit of hard work requiring that she work several days a week for a couple hours a day. At one point she complained because it was too hot. Dad said, “We’re the Carlson family. We work even when it’s hot. Come on, I’ll go out and work with you.” So, Dad worked with her in the hot sun. Another time she said, “But Dad, it’s raining.” Dad said, “We’re the Carlson family. We can even work in the rain. Come on, I’ll work with you.” So they worked together in the rain.

Dad was trying to teach his daughter an important lesson that working hard overcomes obstacles and doesn’t look for excuses. He also wanted her to see that working hard pays off. His daughter enjoyed her horseback riding lessons that summer, but more importantly she began to believe that she could work hard and complete difficult jobs.

After years of training Dad reported that his daughter was proud of her ability to work hard. Many of her friends gave up quickly, or wouldn’t even start a difficult task, but his daughter knew that she could work hard and that hard work pays off.

Whether it’s getting a job in the community, doing chores at home, working on schoolwork, or serving others, work is a great tool for building character in children. Don’t miss out on its benefits for your family when you receive resistance. There is plenty of time for both work and fun in a child’s life, and they both have great benefits for your child’s healthy development.

This idea comes from the book Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids.